Party girls don’t get hurt
Can’t feel anything, when will I learn
I push it down, push it down

I discovered Sia’s album “1000 Forms of Fear” and I swear, she is my spirit animal. I’ve declared it as The Official Soundtrack of My Life for the Last 3 years.

I’m walking a fine line between coping and escaping these days. Actually I’ve been walking that line for a while now, some days I’ll feel like I’ve got things under control, other days I’ll feel like I’m losing it.

In order to keep my free time from being entirely composed of boozing and sexing, I’m prioritizing my healthier habits like working out, painting, writing, and meditating.

I finished my first painting two weeks ago and I’ve started a second one. I’ve modified my workout routine to 4 days a week. Day 1 is 30 minutes, day 2 is 45 minutes, and day 3 and 4 are an hour long. I seem to respond well to making plans and changing routines.

But nevertheless I’m staying occupied, trying to keep my calendar filled with different activities and projects, partly out of necessity and partly out of fear. Fear of what may happen if I were to stop or slow down. Fear of what would be there, waiting for me.