Treading Water

Jim raised me up
He hurt me but it felt like true love
Jim taught me that
Loving him was never enough

I’ve been listening to Lana Del Rey nonstop the last week or so. Her music matches my mood these days. It’s like emotional cutting without the knife.

Sitting in my therapist’s office yesterday, I realized I did not see a future for myself. Where did I want to be in a year? Where do I see myself in 3 years? 5 years? I had no answer.

I feel like I’m swimming through muddy water. Weighed down with no sense of what was within arm’s reach. It’s hard to focus right now. I’ve lost all sense of time. The only thing keeping me going is my calendar of scheduled events. It keeps me sane.

“Life has to be more than just work and relationships,” she said. “You need to find your purpose in life. Without that, things can get depressing quickly.”

She was right. I was losing my grip. I needed to find my way back to land.

Photo credit: Michael David Adams Photography

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