Where We Discuss the Nuances of Pinterest and Other Intricacies While Floating in a Pool

Izzie and bags ready to go!
Izzie and bags ready to go!

The timing of Friday night’s sleepover was absolutely flawless. I was ready to celebrate a successful week by relaxing and unwinding before I had to start it up again. I stopped by the house to pick up my overnight bag and, of course, Izzie. Dogs were totally welcome at the sleepover.

Crosstown traffic was still in effect, but I was in such a good mood I didn’t mind it. In fact, even Fergie’s song Fergalicious was less annoying, to which I danced and sang along in the car.

When I arrived, Caroline and her sister Florence were already in the living room snacking on pizza and watching movies in their PJs. The spread was artfully thought through and arranged on a pink table sheet with confetti all around. Pizza, chips, dips, wings, wine and cheesy bread sticks, it was carb heaven. Even though I told my therapist I would eat healthy, I realized this would not be possible. It was Friday after all and I had just finished a really hectic week at the office so I wanted to completely vegetate. It was the best weekend ever, one that I wish didn’t have to end.


Insanity Defined

Standing in our office kitchen, eating a bowl soup (not pictured) and ribs. Strange things happen on busy weeks.

I have this insane habit of standing and eating my meals when I’m sometimes under stress. I don’t know why, maybe it just makes me feel like I waste less time and can quickly move onto the next thing on my list.

After 6pm today, I’ll have a brief period of 18 hours of downtime where I won’t think or talk about work. I’m going to have a grown-up sleepover with my friends, drink, eat good food, play games, watch movies, and just generally be a kid again for 18 hours. After that, my carriage is going to turn back into a pumpkin and I’m going to pull another weekender.

The definition of the word “insanity” would’ve looked like this week. I don’t know if I’ve ever launched a website in under 5 days, but I didn’t think I could learn and deploy a new system in less than 8 hours and, well, I managed to do that this week. Quite honestly it takes a special kind of masochist to work at an agency. You have to enjoy suffering to a certain extent because you know that when the pain is over, you’ll have something amazing.

With that being said, I just need to keep my head above water for one more week before things will (hopefully) calm down again.


20150605-StopFrom the moment I got to my desk, I’ve been going going going. Physically, mentally. Two major projects have been put on my plate, one with a short deadline, the other with an even shorter one.

There was a moment today where I just needed a few minutes of quiet time. Lunchtime can bring a lot of people into our office kitchen, so I decided to take advantage of an earlier lunch hour and reheat my leftover Thai food in peace.

And just like I enjoy doing at home, I stood at the kitchen counter with my bowl of food and my book and I read and ate lunch, not even acknowledging anyone who walked by.

Surprisingly this very simple ritual was re-energizing. At times yes it can be difficult to get a few minutes of alone time when you work in a bustling agency where being social is the norm. But most of my peers seem to pick up on my need for this so it works somehow.

Agency life is harsh and unforgiving at times. It can chew you up and spit you out in the worst way if you let it. It’s good to push yourself and test your limits. But it’s also good to know when you need to stop, reflect, and re-fuel.

Treading Water

Jim raised me up
He hurt me but it felt like true love
Jim taught me that
Loving him was never enough

I’ve been listening to Lana Del Rey nonstop the last week or so. Her music matches my mood these days. It’s like emotional cutting without the knife.

Sitting in my therapist’s office yesterday, I realized I did not see a future for myself. Where did I want to be in a year? Where do I see myself in 3 years? 5 years? I had no answer.

I feel like I’m swimming through muddy water. Weighed down with no sense of what was within arm’s reach. It’s hard to focus right now. I’ve lost all sense of time. The only thing keeping me going is my calendar of scheduled events. It keeps me sane.

“Life has to be more than just work and relationships,” she said. “You need to find your purpose in life. Without that, things can get depressing quickly.”

She was right. I was losing my grip. I needed to find my way back to land.

Photo credit: Michael David Adams Photography

Fostering an Environment for Growth

When I was younger, I disliked change. I was comfortable in the familiar. I think part of that fear is deeply connected to not accepting one’s own mortality. But as I became older, I realized that change is necessary to allow for growth. Now I embrace it.

In my therapy session this week, we continued to focus on improving my mood. I admitted that while I was only wavering at 75% of the way there, I said I was better than I had been the previous week.

As we were putting together my homework assignments, I commented to her that I think awareness is an important tool for me so I wanted to be sure to track my accomplishments in each area on a daily basis.

“I think novelty is a huge motivator for me as well,” I said. “So maybe if I also mention I need to introduce an element of novelty in each area–like something new, or something different–I think that would help increase my happiness.”

Novelty. This is an important element in signifying progress. Learning something new, accomplishing new goals, stepping outside your comfort zone… These are all things that, when done over time, can create a sense of change.

How do you feel about change? Do you welcome it or do you hesitantly accept it?