Every week I’m making progress.

In my last session, my therapist said she’s seeing the consistent weight loss we’ve been looking for. I’ve finally made the lifestyle change so many doctors and nutritionists talk about, and so many people like me want to achieve. Part of me wanted to relax and let out a sigh of relief.

But I still have dark moments from time to time.

Like last night, before falling asleep I spent almost an hour browsing Yelp, looking at photographs of breakfast food. I wanted breakfast at 11:30 PM (despite the fact I had just enjoyed a nice, healthy dinner with my family a few hours earlier). It’s like I am a sex addict and food photos are my porn.

Finally I had to put away my phone.

My addiction is like a wound, and like any wound that heals and scabs over, sometimes it itches. If I scratch it, it might bleed. If I don’t, maybe it will heal once and for all. I feel so crazy admitting that publicly. But part of me thinks that if my honesty on this blog helps someone else recognize and overcome their own addiction, then my humbling discomfort will be worth it.

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Yesterday at work, I was out walking in the breezway with my coworker Rhea who, bless her heart, often drags me away from my desk kicking and screaming. We ran into our coworker Sheridan who said. “So, Kristine, earlier Allie came up to me and she said, ‘Kristine has lost a lot of weight!'”

I was surprised, but happy knowing that my efforts were visible. “Wow really?” I said.

“Yeah, I could tell because your jeans have been so loose on you lately,” she said. “It’s so awesome! Great job!”

I smiled, “Thanks. Ugh yeah, even my skinny jeans aren’t fitting me very well anymore either.”

It’s true. I am now down 3 pant sizes from my biggest so far. It’s awesome but at the same time it’s frustrating because I’m having to find new clothes. It’s a good problem to have I guess. I could get away with wearing dresses, but lately it’s been too cold for that so I’m kinda stuck wearing ill-fitting jeans, black leggings, and yoga pants to work.

I had another appointment with my therapist the other day. I’ve been setting small weight loss goals for myself at each session and I met this last one despite my not meeting the previous one. This one was definitely more realistic and I was happy about that.

I said it’s been frustrating the past week because of the weather. I’ve been unmotivated to even leave the house especially on snow and ice days. Even other days when there’s no snow or ice, I just lack the drive to leave the warmth and comfort of my apartment. One thing she mentioned is I should find other ways of getting activity in without having to leave the house. Naperville snow plow service is very efficient and makes my life easier.

So during last night’s blizzard, I decided to explore some of the workout video options on Hulu Plus. I found a few different ones that looked appealing, one of which was this cardio bellydance workout.

The word cardio was slightly misleading. It was almost too easy and low-impact of a workout to be considered cardio, but it was still fun and silly and got me moving. Once I was bored with that, I checked my step goal for the day and just decided to turn on some music and dance the rest of it out.

Yes, I’m Kristine, and I turned the music up loud in my living room and I danced. And you know what? It felt kinda good.

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