My entire life, I’ve always been heavier than what was considered “healthy.” Only within the last few years have I been really getting into the health and fitness routine.

Pilates, yoga, running… I’ve done it all. Right now I’m doing cardio and high intensity circuit training. I can’t say I’m 100% into it because it requires me going to the gym and being accountable to my personal trainer, but oddly enough the results are beginning to show.

Last week after I took my morning shower, I was looking at myself in the mirror and I noticed something different about my upper body. I had unfamiliar curves in areas where I never had them before, like on the tops of my shoulders where they meet the base of my neck.

And they’re not the soft, pillowy curves that my body tends to have, but more like angular, sloping curves. The kinds of curves that muscles make.

My legs, my thighs, and my forearms all had similar sloping planes. And although I still have a lot of fat to shed, beneath them I can feel and sometimes see muscles forming.

By no means am I sporting six-pack abs, but it’s nice to not only feel results, but to see them take shape. It reminds me that despite all the times that I’ve cancelled or wanted to cancel my training appointments, or those times when I wanted to puke my guts out after a particularly gruesome workout, there is a reward in the end. 

Even though I didn’t post much, I logged 16 miles and 12 runs during the month of May.

It was an improvement from April.

In general, the last month has been a renewal of motivation. I got back on a more challenging workout schedule of 4 days a week. I began running again. It’s set me up for an even better June. I’ve modified my workout schedule so that I increase intensity I’m also doing a 30 day plank challenge.

Oh yeah, and I also added to my Pandora bracelet! I was so happy. I think the last time I bought a charm was probably February. It was nice to see some movement.

I’m continuing the 4 workouts a week but now I gradually increase active time to an hour. So day 1 is 30 minutes, day 2 is 45 minutes, and day 3 and 4 are both an hour.

Not only am I running, but I’ve also incorporated the elliptical as well as weight lifting. I think a little change of scenery was just what I needed.

I have logged a total of 104 miles since I began running.

That’s 104 miles of me consciously putting on my running shoes to do something I used to hate but have grown to enjoy.

To date, I have lost at least 36 lbs. according to my documented weight changes.

In the past, I’ve documented my weight loss. The other day I decided to dig up those old journals just to see where I was and how I progressed back then.

I was surprised to learn that this is the most weight I’ve lost. Ever.

When I first started, my goal was just to lose weight. But after a lot of time and introspection, I learned that the weight problem was just a symptom. There were other things in my life that needed to be fixed first in order for me to lose the weight.

Now my focus is not just to lose weight, but to change my relationship with food. I don’t want it to be a source of joy, relief, or social time. I want it to just be something I need to consume in order to do other things that make me happy. I want to find happiness somewhere else, like in the things I do or the people I choose to have in my life.

I can do this, even if it’s for the third time. Except now I’m armed with tools and tactics to keep me focused and on track. Maybe this means I can get even further than I have before.