Author: Kristine

My name is Kristine and I blog about my journey towards living a healthier, balanced life.

Heart Matters

Posted on by Kristine

A few days ago I wrote about the funk I was in. I knew the source of it and I decided to confront that source this week. Despite breaking up several months ago, my ex had slithered his way back into my daily life with texts and calls. And although I kept him at somewhat of a distance, never making it public (until now) and never allowing him around my friends and family, I had allowed him back into my heart just a little.

See I am cautiously optimistic. I believe people can change. How could I not, considering I’m trying to make significant life changes as well. I didn’t want to hold a grudge just yet. After all, he said he said he had stopped drinking, or at least reduced it down to just once a week. Over the course of a few weeks, he began to drink more and more again and occasionally he would try to hide it.

Last week, my emotions came to a head and I lost my shit. I had been neglecting what was important to me and really hating myself for breaking promises left and right. I resented him.

Saturday we were supposed to have a talk. What I had expected would be a back and forth dialogue, a conversation of sorts, turned out to be the exact opposite. It ended up being a drive by shooting (metaphorically speaking), in which he conveniently scheduled things both before and after. He didn’t consider my feelings. He didn’t think to himself, “She needs me. I should be there for her.” He didn’t even give me a chance to talk or to ask questions. He made his appearance, put on his show, and then he left.

The funny thing is things went almost EXACTLY like they did back in October the last time we had a “talk” like this.

Except this time afterwards I wasn’t upset and wondering what just happened, but I was amused at how I could be reliving the same moment all over again despite my efforts to change it.

That’s when I realized it was just the same pattern and it was symbolic of how we were and how we would always be.

One Good Thing

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If there’s anything good I’ve been doing for myself lately, it’s eating well most of the time. I’ve started the zone diet again so I’ve been back on the meal planning wagon. I’m beginning to assemble healthy breakfasts by heart. Now if I can only do the same for lunch and dinner.

Below are a few of some of the meals I’ve had on the zone diet.

Baked cod in tomato sauce. Because I'm being healthy and shit. #foodstagram #instafood

A photo posted by krisalis903 (@krisalis903) on

Veggie scramble, turkey bacon, and half an apple. #healthynshit #instafood

A photo posted by krisalis903 (@krisalis903) on

Healthy breakfast made of eggs, oatmeal, mandarin oranges, and turkey bacon. #latergram #foodstagram

A photo posted by krisalis903 (@krisalis903) on

The Dark Hole of Despair

Posted on by Kristine

It’s confession time.

I haven’t worked out in well over a week. All of my positive exercise habits have stalled and I find myself consorting with old demons. The Pandora bracelet I was using as inspiration no longer motivates me to keep going. I am in a deep, dark hole and I’m struggling to get out.

There. I said it.

When I told my friend Rhea that I wasn’t sure what to write about, she told me to just be honest. “Everyone at some point loses motivation. People will appreciate your honesty when you admit that you’ve lost yours.”

I have an idea of what might be fueling it, but I know what I have to do to get past it. In the meantime, bear with me.

Progress in Numbers

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I have logged a total of 104 miles since I began running.

That’s 104 miles of me consciously putting on my running shoes to do something I used to hate but have grown to enjoy.

To date, I have lost at least 36 lbs. according to my documented weight changes.

In the past, I’ve documented my weight loss. The other day I decided to dig up those old journals just to see where I was and how I progressed back then.

I was surprised to learn that this is the most weight I’ve lost. Ever.

When I first started, my goal was just to lose weight. But after a lot of time and introspection, I learned that the weight problem was just a symptom. There were other things in my life that needed to be fixed first in order for me to lose the weight.

Now my focus is not just to lose weight, but to change my relationship with food. I don’t want it to be a source of joy, relief, or social time. I want it to just be something I need to consume in order to do other things that make me happy. I want to find happiness somewhere else, like in the things I do or the people I choose to have in my life.

I can do this, even if it’s for the third time. Except now I’m armed with tools and tactics to keep me focused and on track. Maybe this means I can get even further than I have before.

End of Month Recap: March 2015

Posted on by Kristine

At the end of every month, I’m going to try and summarize my progress compared to previous months. I’m not going to make it long and drawn out, just a few bullet points, so here goes.

This month, I:

  • Increased my total distance from 25 miles and 13 runs in February to 26.3 miles and 18 runs in March.
  • I began using MyFitnessPal again to track caloric intake. Currently I’m on a 16 day streak.
  • I started taking mental breaks during the work day by meditating and eating lunches at the park near my office.
  • I visited a new running trail called Nob Hill Trail. It’s a lovely meandering path next to Furneaux Creek and a few man made ponds.
  • I’ve adjusted my workout schedule to 4 a week, 2 are just for me, and 2 are for Izzie.

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